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"I was going through the motions of what I was taught was pleasing to God, but it didn’t feel right and it gave me anxiety. Now I am allowing myself permission to question, to wonder and to be ok with being me. I don’t have all the answers but I have the tools, resources and support to continue my deconstruction journey. "
I learned to be a people-pleaser at an early age because we moved a lot, and it felt like I was always the new kid trying to figure out where I fit in.
When my hubby and I started going to church in our late 20s (because “it would be good for our kids”), I was ecstatic to find out that the rules and expectations were pretty cut and dry. It didn’t feel like legalism; it felt like an instruction manual that laid out a plan for “How to be a better person” and, perhaps more important to me, “How to be accepted.”
After a few years of being deeply embedded in the church, I walked away with a pretty big case of #ChurchHurt and entered a season of deep doubts and wrestling. I was deconstructing from toxic religion, even though (at the time) I didn’t know that’s what it was called.